No Shame With Birth and Delivery Outcomes: Accepting The Unexpected

Your Birth is Yours, Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Compare It

I received a text from a friend last week.

She said:

“I feel like I need to unfollow all the Instagrammers I follow who are pregnant or talk about birth…”

She went on to express that she doesn’t want to blame herself for her recent c-section (no one ever should), and specifically she wants to avoid any messaging of “how to avoid a stuck baby” or other ideas on how a mother can control/avoid birth complications. 

There is so much of this messaging out there…

The thing is, you can do everything “right” leading up to your delivery, and still have outcomes that you didn’t want. There is so much that is beyond the scope of a woman’s control during labor and delivery… and those babies have a mind of their own!

Of course, we are all about having an active and vibrant pregnancy, and an empowered and informed birth experience. There is so much that you can learn about and do to stay comfortable during your pregnancy and have choices during your birth experience.

Doing all of this preparation for the birth you want is a good thing! But there’s something about this “how to” messaging to pregnant moms that is subtly shaming if things don’t go as planned. You do not need to feel like you should have done something different. You also don’t need to feel unhappy with the outcome of a c-section. Of course it is okay to feel unhappy, but the point is, you get to feel how you want to feel about it, and you aren’t wrong for feeling one way or the other. 

Moms, you had a huge job of growing another human, bringing them into this world, and now are nurturing them as they grow. You did something really freaking hard and deserve credit for that! But know that doesn’t mean that the things that didn’t work out are your fault. There is nothing you should have done differently during your birth experience, and YOU get to decide how you feel about the outcome. 

Sometimes the loudest voices on social media are not the voice of the majority. Know that there is a whole community here to support you – no matter what you choose with your pregnancy, birth, or postpartum!